


Stay close to me

by spaceshipgays



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Alternate Universe - Science Fiction, Boyfriends, Canon Gay Character, Canon Gay Relationship, Everyone Is Gay, Falling In Love, Fantasy, Gay Male Character, Ice Skating, Imaginary Friends, Imagination, M/M, Roommates, Science Fiction, dream - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-24
Updated: 2016-12-24
Packaged: 2018-09-11 02:06:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8949511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spaceshipgays/pseuds/spaceshipgays
Summary: "Would you linger a little longer when I wake?"





	

**Author's Note:**

> this story was inspired by a dream that I had in which I met this boy and fell in love ;) it might be a little confusing at the start, 'Yuri' refers to our Russian fairy whereas Katsuki Yuuri's never mentioned because Victor didn't know his name. so whenever you see 'Yuri', we're talking about his grumpy roommate Yuri Plisetsky. thank you for clicking in and I hope you enjoy! x

His voice. His breath. His hand tangled in mine. His warmth. His lips. His eyes. 

 _Victor, please be here with me, until I retire_.

I woke up feeling a hole inside me, a lump in my throat, Makkachin on my lap. Coming from no where, tears streamed down my cheek, the sudden wet sensation shocked me a little. Turning to the other side of the bed, he vanished. He was just there, lying beside me, his long hair spread on the pillow, light brown eyes piercing into mine, we were hand in hand - oh right. So it was that dream again. I got off bed to the bathroom, better dry my tears before Yuri wakes up and sees this. 

What was his name again? Yurio? Katsudon? I didn't think he even mentioned his name, but I'd been dreaming about him since forever. We always met in the same setting, an ice skating rink in Hasetsu-Cho where he would be skating while I watched. Funny because i hadn't been figure skating since two years ago, couldn't help it, college provided me too much work and too little time. He had these blue old-fashioned glasses, I wonder why I never told him to take them off. "Morning, Yuri," he revealed himself from behind the bathroom door. 

"Mhm Victor."

Back to the main story, the boy stopped right in front of me, showing me a welcoming smile, "Victor!" saying my name as if we were close friends. I smiled back and wanted to speak his name in return only to realize I didn't know his name. That didn't seem to affect him though, he just went taking off his skates and said, "Let's go to the hot spring." For some reason this felt oddly familiar, skating, going to the hot spring...yet I had never been to Japan. It came out of him so easily like it was some daily routine. 

I went to the kitchen to make breakfast. "Eggs or pancakes?"

"Pancakes," Yuri muttered.

After relaxing at the hot spring we usually either end up in his house, his room or somewhere in the middle of that place sightseeing. If we were in his room, he'd be all flustered and tearing down posters of this pretty figure skater who I assume was his idol. Maybe it was because it was a dream, I never felt full, resulting in him giving me pork cutlet bowls _all the time_. So we ate while we talked about little things, like old friends. He suffered a complete defeat in his first Grand Prix Final - that I had heard of as a skating student. Our chats revolved around how he'd make a comeback at the coming competition, his passed dog, pork cutlet bowls and his weight. I had no idea what was happening, the words just came flooding out like figure skating was my major. It was weird too, it felt too familiar it was strange.

"Victor, will you be my coach?" he said all of a sudden, looking up at me with puppy eyes and they weren't even for show, it was genuine. He was genuinely begging me to be his coach, for all I knew I couldn't even remember how to land a quadruple loop properly. 

"Do you ever shut the fuck up?"

"Sure, starting from now on I will be your coach."

What. Before I knew it Yuri was looking at me with unbelievable eyes. "What the hell Nikiforov?" he half-yelled at me.

Must not let Yuri Plisetsky know my secret lover from my dreams. "Ahh sorry, I was too focused on memorizing my script for a drama." Yuri scoffed and went to prepare cutlery. I should really stop daydreaming, it'd be ten times as embarrassing if this happened in campus. Thank goodness it was finally Winter. Yuri would be going back home to spend Christmas with his grandpa, meaning the whole dorm room would be mine. There were too much to think about, I needed this space and time.

In that dream, sometimes we would make it until nighttime where I found him laying beside me in an unknown hotel in Barcelona, not sure how we got there though. Small talks were exchanged and if I had to stay true, it was happy. I could feel fire burning inside me, melting my frozen heart, despite it being just a dream. I remember hearing his heart beating rapidly and his voice speaking 'bout his dreams quietly. All he wanted was, well, win the coming Grand Prix Final. He wanted to get a taste of standing on the podium, be able to go home with pride and something round and golden. I would be there with him, as his coach.

Ha, so what. It was nothing more than a dream.

Yuri had absolute speed when it came to eating, within five minutes he finished his two pancakes and told me he'd be off seeing Otabek. Knowing my junior had made a friend other than me felt so satisfying, relieved. That boy had so much love inside him, he just didn't know how to express it. Every 'moron', 'stupid pig' from him was the purest, truest 'I love you' you could ever receive.

The room fell in silence, I hadn't been by myself this way for a long time. Most times were spent attending council meetings, prize-presenting ceremonies and joint-college banquets, all the while people expected the best side of me. It even amazed myself that I never failed them. Chris always came teasing me that I got invited to important educational events again and again, there was a sense of envy in his eyes. Yet here I was, willing to give it all away if I could. It would be terribly rude saying that out loud. I guess I'd just grown tired of everyone surrounding me.

 _My blood was running quick, his performance is truly mesmerizing. "He landed the_ _triple axel!" The crowd cheered, I feel a lump in my throat again. He looks like he's really enjoying it, the way he raises both hands when doing jumps, sways to the music in the cold air, eyes sparkling. He catches me from the corner of his eye and flashes me a happy grin, I wave a little. Even the slightest actions can bring huge support. I'm never a person that sheds tears easily, but this. This human being in front of me expressing himself through elegance and flexibility makes me cry. It's like feeling all of his emotions with him, his failure, his persistence, his delight. It's so much that I cannot help but let them run down my face._

_"What are you thinking?"_

_"How happy I am that you pulled off the program," I smile. He smiles, too._

_"Was it good enough?" he looks up to the sky, wondering._

_It almost makes me mad that he always thinks this way. Truth is he is. He is enough. Isn't he tired of feeling that way? "You," I grab his shoulders and turn him aside so he's facing me, eye to eye. "It was good. It was amazing. It was the most beautiful thing. Whether you win or not, all you have to do is give your all at tomorrow's free skate. You've got to help yourself, how can someone who can't motivate others motivate himself? Do something that excites me. Surprise me, inspire me." I don't know where this came from, it's rushed itself into my head and all I can think of saying is this. I sound like Yakov._

_He too is shocked, but the surprise on his face soon turns into a knowing smile, as if telling me that he understands. "I will! Please stay by me. Just...have faith in me that I will win!" I brush away the water droplets on his face. I don't understand all these tears exchanged between us, I just know they stand a purpose here, something like our signal for each other._

_We stay quiet on our way walking the streets of Barcelona,_ _several souvenir bags in his hand. Most of them are food for him and his family, and I don't mind spending the money if in return I get to see that smiling, chubby face of his. "Ah Victor, your birthday is soon right?"_

_How does he know? "Yeah."_

_"I want to get you something special," he runs forward, looking left to right at the windows of different shops. When he's searching for something, whether it's an object or a person, his eyes sparkle. I mean it, it might sound cliche, but I do see light in them. And it's...quite cute, no, it's quite a pretty sight. He looks like a five-year-old kid wandering in a candy shop, I'm actually glad that he's so eager trying to search for something for me._

_It all happened swiftly, the next time I set my eyes on him again, he's_ _standing in front of a jewelry shop. I swear there're fireworks in those brown eyes. Standing closer, I see that he's fixed his sight on a pair of rings, round and golden. They stand out as the best among other bracelets and necklaces, sure are eye-catching. "Let's get this."_

_It takes him no second thought before giving his credit card to the women dressed in a black suit, she's apparently feeling awkward because of his excitement. I watch this boy I've known for barely a few days, yet it feels like it's been months. I watch his expression switching from excitement to satisfaction, showing everyone that he's overwhelmed by happiness solely because he found the perfect gift._

_"Do you like it?"_

_"Of course. I'd like anything from you."_

_At the back of the aisle of shops, we stand under the yellow lights and mere snow. In this moment, I look at him like he's the only person I have and will ever be with, like he's my entire universe. I look at him, not a particular part but him as a whole like he's a star and I know for sure that I want this person to stay close to me. Forever. This abrupt affection is terrifying but also thrilling that I won't mind carrying with me for a little longer. He slips that round and golden lucky charm on my ring finger after taking off my gloves, then I do the same._

_We smile._

Moist. I was tearing up again. Why? It was a dream, nothing more nothing less. That was our tenth encounter, was this even normal? I'd grown so used to seeing him in my fantasies, it felt too real. There were so many times I'd fell in love in dreams that I couldn't seem to distinguish whether it was real or not anymore. 

What was with the rings anyway? They say that the things you dream about reflect what you are or what you need, stuff like that, but it's all easier said than done. Did I needed _rings_? Or did I needed to find a companion? Get married? Return to figure skating? _Who_ was he even? The stupid feelings I got for him couldn't be real, too. There was no way one could catch real feelings for someone fake. For all I knew he could be someone my subconscious had made up from my own memory and imagination. He was no one.

At least that was how I convinced myself.

 

* * *

 

It was just him and me. On the ice. Skating with our hearts. I thought I'd got this from another dream, "We call everything on the ice 'love'." Maybe my subconscious was trying to tell me something. Maybe it was trying to tell me something related to love through him. Maybe I had to experience love and life through something, someone. And when I couldn't find anyone in real life, I created a person of my dreams to experience these two 'L's with. His purpose here was to show me love and life, and it was presented in too many different ways that I had carelessly overlooked. The reason I looked forward to bedtime was because of him, because he let me feel the two things I lacked the most. I had created my own escape from reality, and real or not, he had became my sweetest shelter. 

Love was in the way he skated, the sparks in his eyes, the support in his life, the skating rink. He also showed me life through his past failure and rise now, his friendly relationship with his rivals, his ambitions and motto. Ever so slightly, he'd inspired me to become a better person.

Some days I found myself thinking about him during daytime, him skating, eating, laughing. Him simply enjoying life. I found myself praying that I get to see you at night again. I even went searching for you at places I passed by, with the slightest bit of hope that you might somehow be real. It was good. Everything was good when it was with you. Reality had been good, too, since you changed my view of...everything. Things became a lot easier with you on my mind, just imagining your face made me feel motivated. Oh wow, you did it, you motivated me. I was unaware that you became such a huge part of my life, unaware of your great impact on me. It was good, knowing you, even in my dreams, was good. Even if the world had an irking way of keeping things balanced, it was still good. Of course there were times I woke up crying, now I knew why, too. Crying because waking up was a realization that you were something I had never had. All this time you were imaginary.

You weren't real, you never was and will always be. You were clearly, simply someone I never had, could never have.

This truth was unbearable, worse than being stabbed a million times. But we both knew I had to move on sooner or later, it would only break me more if we remained this way. 

Perhaps in another life, or just another dream. Perhaps some time later, when I became a man with my own family, you'd come visit me again. By then what would you become? Would you have aged? Would you remember me? Would we start over again? The skating rink, our rings, our promises, would you have forgotten? I don't want to be in this labyrinth anymore, I don't want to spend a magical night with you only to wake up and realize you were never mine again. When did I started having an entire zoo me inside when you entered my dreamland? Didn't remember. It came all too quickly without any warning, like how _you_ walked into my life one night like a little thief. As cliche as it sounded, you slipped in my head and stole my heart. After all, you were supposed to be imaginary, created by the nonsense in my head. If you think about it, it was quite messed up. 

So this was my last time visiting you, my last time falling asleep praying that I get to meet you. Last time we meet at the skating rink, we practice, eat cutlet bowls, go to the hot spring, walk along the river side together. This would be our last time staying close to each other.

 _"Victor!"_  

_Ah, I see that you're here. Here we go again, right at the start with you and me. There's only one difference this time, for once in my dream I know what I'm doing, I know what's gonna happen, I know the right words to say and I know the familiar thumping coming from my chest. Everything about this place, these skates, the food, the people, I know everything about them. I know this feeling inside me, churning, agitating from my stomach to my chest to my head. The two 'L's that he showed me, life and love. I hold his hand before he does this time, leading him to the bench where he does his usual moves - taking those skates off. It's became a view I actually enjoy._

_Do you realize that this will be our last dream? Do you know my will to give up everything to be with you forever? Do you know that our time is limited? "Wanna go eat pork cutlet bowls?"_

_"Whaa - I thought you were tired of eating them."_

_I chuckle. "So do you not want to?"_

_He shakes his head forcefully, laughing, we head off. It brings back_ memories _walking on the concrete, like this was somehow my hometown. I say quiet goodbyes to every tree, animal, drop of water I encounter, every shopkeeper we pass by. This town is indeed peaceful. Peace. Subconscious, is that what I need? This town, is pure. Pure sea water, natural hot spring, organic food, genuine people. What a contrast to my current state in real life. My mind wants me to take a break off the city lights, my mind wants to enjoy some peace and quiet. Even if the time is limited. How thoughtful of you, mind. His unusual quietness catches my attention, then I see his eyes lighting up again._

_"What are you searching for?"_

_Astonishment is written all over his face. "How do you know?" he giggled. "I'm trying to recognize all the spots we'd visited together here."_

_Does he know? If this is our finale, I want to make it a good one, one that both him and I will try to make best of it._

_Damn do I want to say your name. "I may not...be able to be with you for a long time now," it's hard fathoming this complex situation into words. It's even harder deciding whether or not should I tell him, how do tell him, how to make this understandable._

_"Huh? Why?"_

_I want to end this well. "I have to leave for a bit, but that doesn't mean I'll leave you. Not forever," it feels like telling a little kid about Santa's non-existence. "If you miss me, look at the Victor that lives inside you. And I will do the same."_

_Keeping this short is for the best, I figured out. Does he get it though? My departure might be forever. Well, he doesn't have to know. I know we aren't supposed to make promises that we doubt if we can keep, but just like a little white lie, it's all for the better. Would he cry? Please don't, let me be able to say that this has been a happy ending. Please look at me and tell me it's okay, tell me you'll never forget me, tell me you'll let me go while keeping me alive in your heart._

_"Alright. If that's your decision." I don't look at him because I don't want to see him cry. My last memory of him shouldn't be his crying state. "If that's what makes you happy, I'm okay with it."_

_I want to, keep the best side of you alive in me. So that maybe, just maybe you'll always be nothing but a smiling ball of sunshine._

_"Will you linger a little longer when I wake?"_

_You nod. That simple, natural nod is far deeper than any scientific explanation or logic. That nod tells me yes. "Yes Victor, I will be in the air you breathe, your laugh, your sadness. I will be in time, space, darkness and light. You won't forget me, because I'll be reminding you everyday through little things that we_ happened _. That it's been happy."_

Sunlight.

Ah, this was it. Was it a happy ending? That would depend. You, would you help me to make create a heartwarming finale? The Winter breeze made its way through the window inside my room. As it gently kissed my cheek, I could feel you, so closely.  The cold lingered on my cheek, leaving proof that you had once stayed so close to me.

And you will live on in me.

**Author's Note:**

> If you've finished reading the entire story THANK YOU, critical comments are welcomed and I will (probably, hopefully) be writing more:) xx


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